YOUR CHILD BECOMES A TEENAGER By David A. Chodack   It's one minute past  Midnight. Your sweet, adorable child has literally just turned 13 and suddenly a monstrous transformation begins. He or she is a child no longer and no longer sweet. He/she is now a TEENAGER!! No, your newly minted teenager will not suddenly grow horns and start spouting fire. They won't necessarily start cutting school and being disrespectful at home, either, but all too often it does happen and you can't take it too personally. You just have to accept the fact that you are not dealing with a normal human being anymore. You are dealing with a teenager.   A teenager is a unique creature, utterly devoted to and obsessed with itself and its own well-being. Family? They don't exist. There may be a bunch of servants in the house, maids, chauffeurs, cooks, etc. and there may even be some slight familiarity and affection there, based on long years of faithful service, but to suggest that this loyal and devoted service obliges the teenager to reciprocate in any way is just too much to ask.   It is quite possible, not only to tolerate, but to appreciate your teenager, if you just take the right approach. You have to understand that young children are like dogs. They are energetic, enthusiastic about life, almost totally dependent and usually eager to please. Teenagers, on the other hand, are like cats. They exist for themselves and themselves alone, and you exist only to provide for their needs. Once in a while, they may let you shower them with well-deserved attention and affection, just don't expect them to reciprocate.   Don't expect the warm affection and intimate conversations you used to enjoy. Don't even bother asking about school, or, -- god forbid! -- their social lives. Just be content with the knowledge that sooner or later you will learn what they are doing, where they are going and who they are hanging out with, when they need you to drive them.   Driving their teenagers wherever and whenever they want to go becomes a parents' life. Not part of it, but all of it - or at least as great a portion as the teenager can successfully commandeer. There's rides to and from school, after school and weekend activities,  then there will be evening activities too and then there's dating and that's when the real fun starts.   And don't think you will be spared from this ritual just because you live in a city, where there's plenty of public transportation available. Who takes a bus when you have a private chauffeur? But cheer up. It could be  worse. It will be worse. Before you know it they'll be driving. And guess whose car they're going to use? But providing transportation is by no means your only function as the parent of a teenager. Oh no. There's also cooking and cleaning and planning and scheduling. Oh yes. You really didn't think teenagers kept track of their own plans and schedules, did you? They do that for all their private events and interests - the ones they don't want you to know about - but all their school and official after school activities are your responsibility. If you don't write things down and remind and nag your teenager, they will never keep appointments. Doctor's and dentist's appointments? Not only you have to drive them and pay for them, but guess what? Of course, you have to remind them as well. Otherwise, they'll forget and go off and do something else instead. Are you beginning to get the picture? The teen age years, are a wonderful time of life, when they want to explore all the privileges and possibilities of adulthood, but god forbid you should ask them to take any responsibility, even  the responsibility of acting like human beings. "Rights without responsibilities." That's the teenager's battle cry and they are willing to fight you every minute of every day if that's what it takes to make you give in. And  that's when they're in a good mood. Forget it when they're in a bad mood - when he hasn't called for a couple of days, or she won't speak to him anymore. They won't tell you anything, but you're supposed to be there for them anyway. Each grunt, or surly look, every stony silence, or hysterical outburst of,  "I hate you. Just leave me alone!"  is supposed to bring out the appropriate sympathetic reaction from you, even if that is just to leave them alone, while remaining on 24 hour call in case you're suddenly needed and wanted. It's a heck of a life, but somebody's got to do it. And what the heck, we all did it to our parents, so who are we to complain? (while our parents chuckle in the background)The only way to look at it is that living with teenagers is a lot like growing old. The only thing worse, is the alternative. Some day soon, before you know it, they'll be grown up and gone and that's when you'll realize you miss them. BACK TO SOCIAL COMMENTARY PAGE HOME PAGE